The Anti-Scene: Why Gay and Queer Men of Color Need Community More Than Another Networking Event

This Might Not Be Your Scene — And That’s Exactly the Point

At the start of 2026, I gathered a group of gay and queer men of color from cities across the United States for a conversation about leadership, transition and what it means to move into a new year with intention.

Men joined from Los Angeles, Washington, D.C., Colorado, Sacramento and beyond. Men who are successful entrepreneurs, nonprofit leaders, creatives and professionals at pivotal moments in their careers. Yet our dialogue did not begin with metrics or milestones. Instead, we talked about capacity, compassion and community.

Why slowing down matters

We all arrived carrying heavy pressures: rising living costs, the weight of entrepreneurship, navigating multiple jobs, recovery, relocation, break‑ups and the anxiety of re‑entering an unpredictable job market. We spoke about juggling side hustles with nonprofit work, managing financial strain in high‑cost cities and confronting burnout from activism and leadership roles.

In hearing each other’s stories, we realized our challenges were not unique; they were shared.

This recognition itself was liberating. It echoed research showing that supportive relationships and purpose‑driven pathways are critical for queer leaders of color navigating the stress associated with multiple marginalized identities.

In other words, you are not alone—and community is not a luxury but a necessity.

As I guided us through a visualization exercise, I asked that we imagine the year ahead as a wide‑open landscape rather than a calendar. That we set down the expectations and deadlines that were weighing on us and ask ourselves:

• What deserves our energy?
• What pace feels honest for our lives?

Letting go of attachment to outcomes fosters emotional flexibility and resilience, and self‑compassion—replacing perfectionism with kindness—reduces stress and encourages growth.

These insights are not just abstract concepts; they are leadership tools.

Boundaries, self‑care and the pace of leadership

One theme that emerged was the importance of boundaries.

In a culture that glorifies hustle and constant availability, many of us forget that we are not machines. Psychologists note that setting boundaries—such as limiting screen time, scheduling tech‑free periods and pushing back against workload creep—is essential for mental health.

Leaders must model this behavior; self‑care practices like unplugging, focusing, physical activity and rest are not indulgences but strategic necessities.

Our discussion also highlighted how people with ADHD often struggle to initiate tasks because of neurological differences. Simple strategies—such as working for just five minutes, building routines or pairing tasks with enjoyable stimuli—can make a significant difference. For leaders, accommodating diverse neurotypes in ourselves and our teams is part of building inclusive, sustainable workplaces.

Activism, burnout and political context

We cannot ignore the broader political climate. The current Trump administration has rolled back diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging (DEIB) programs and is actively targeting our communities. For gay and queer men of color, this creates additional stress as our families, communities and careers are politicized and threatened.

Activism burnout is real: emotional and mental exhaustion can leave even the most committed advocates jaded and withdrawn. Healthy activism requires boundaries, support networks and celebrating small wins. Sometimes the solution is not more work but more connection.

On being ‘not your scene’

Shortly after sending invitations for the first Bloom Social Club of the year — and the official launch of our city tour, I received a message from someone I respect:

“Hey Norris (misspelled but its OK), thanks for thinking of me and for the invite. That’s not really my scene, but I appreciate you reaching out.”

At first glance it seemed polite, but it revealed deeper assumptions. Too often our community is divided between those who see success solely through titles, careers and accolades, and those who recognize that our well‑being is tied to collective support.

When someone says “that’s not my scene,” what they’re telling me is that they are burned out, jaded by superficial networking or too focused on external validation to realize that community is the answer.

In fact, what we’re creating with the Bloom Social Club IS the anti‑scene: a space where authenticity replaces performance and where success is defined by the quality of our relationships, not our résumés.

The person who told me it wasn’t his scene added that he could offer grant writing, evaluation and strategy work for nonprofits—professional support instead of personal presence. His response reminded me how often we reduce our value to our résumés and miss out on spaces that ask us to show up as human beings.

Two other responses illustrated a similar mindset: one person asked,

“What kind of group usually attends these events? Are there any health professionals or people in healthcare who tend to join?”

Another replied,

“Thanks for the invite, I’ll check if I can add it to my calendar. Is there a public guest list?”

Both questions reveal an underlying assumption that this is a typical networking scene where the worth of attending is measured by who will be in the room. They reflect a limited imagination of what we are building—a space where you are not defined by your title, profession or who you know.

The Bloom Social Club is intentionally anti‑scene: there is no guest list to vet and no résumé to scan; we care about how you show up, not what you do.

These comments fuel my commitment to keep explaining and nurturing this space, but they also highlight the need for openness. We are creating something different and new on purpose. At some point, curiosity must replace scepticism if we want to build a culture of belonging.

I hope you’ll keep me in mind. But if you believe that community is more than a scene, that’s who this work is for.

Why Bloom Social Club is unique

At Bloom Social Club—formerly Connect and Cultivate — we intentionally curate spaces for gay and queer men of color to be seen and heard. Meaningful connection is often elusive for us; professional and social spaces ask us to shrink or perform.

The Bloom Social Club offers something different: genuine friendship, mutual accountability and collective growth. This is not a bar or a party; it’s a circle where you can share your leadership challenges, transitions and personal goals with others who understand.

In 2026, Bloom Social Club is going on tour. Our first stop is Sacramento, California on Saturday, January 31, 2026, from 10 AM to 12 PM.

We’re gathering to help you reset your priorities, connect with other queer leaders of color and cultivate circles that last. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a creative or a corporate professional, you will leave with new perspectives and, more importantly, new relationships.

Takeaways: leadership lessons from community

The conversation generated several practical takeaways for leaders:

1. Self‑compassion over self‑perfection. Replace impossible standards with kindness to yourself. Self‑compassion reduces stress and builds resilience.
2. Release attachments. Letting go of fixed outcomes fosters flexibility and equanimity.
3. Set boundaries and rest. Limit screen time, push back against workload creep and schedule tech‑free time. Rest is not optional; it is a leadership practice.
4. Accommodate neurodiversity. Simple strategies like short initiation periods and routines help those with ADHD overcome activation barriers.
5. Build supportive networks. Research shows that supportive relationships and purpose‑driven pathways are crucial for gay and queer leaders of color. Community is more than networking; it is medicine.
6. Celebrate small wins and practice mindfulness. Use tools like mindful breathing, journaling and body scans to remain present. Mindfulness reduces stress and improves self‑awareness, sleep and immunity.
7. Embrace discomfort and growth. Choosing words like “grace,” “compassion” or “discomfort” as guiding qualities can anchor your year in a way of being rather than a list of tasks.

Conclusion: new year, new circles

As we strut into 2026 – the year of the horse – marked by political uncertainty and escalating attacks on our communities, the most radical thing we can do is gather.

Bloom Social Club is not just an event; it is a movement toward authentic connection and collective strength. If you are tired of performing success and ready to experience genuine community, join us in Sacramento or at a future stop on our tour.

You don’t need to become a better version of yourself to be welcomed here. You just need to show up. In a world designed to isolate and divide us, choosing community is an act of leadership.

New year, new circles—let’s bloom together.